Are you seeking couples therapy in Durham, NC?
You’re tired of arguing over the same thing. There was a time when you thought you were in love with your partner, but now you strain to remember that feeling. You feel betrayed, misunderstood, angry, confused, disrespected, hurt, unappreciated, unloved. Trying to resolve things with just the two of you hasn’t been working. Here you are, following a search for couples therapy in Durham, NC.
The Circle of Hurt
When we enter into relationship with a significant other, we are often unaware of the assumptions we bring with us. These seep into our relationship in ways big and small, as inevitably, we will feel slighted by something the other person has done–and it’s pretty likely, they are completely clueless about it, as they do not apply the same meaning to their actions. If we tell them what they’ve done wrong, we secretly hope they will profess an apology and cease to be so inconsiderate again. Yet, far more likely, they feel misunderstood. Jumping to their own defense, they are quick to proclaim the reasons they’ve not done wrong. The end result is both people feel misunderstood, invalidated, and disrespected.
Being able to share your feelings of hurt in a matter-of-fact and non-judgmental way, is the place were so much of the relationship healing happens.
Assessing the Foundation
During your intake session, we focus on what you want to get out of therapy and I might ask you both questions informed by your answers to intake paperwork, in order to better understand various aspects of your life and lifestyle. Following this, for the second and third sessions, I meet with each person in the relationship separately in order to assess your family history and attachment styles. After this, we begin the work of couples therapy.
Elements of Couple’s Work
Emotionally-Focused (EFT) Approach: As your therapist, I act as a “process coach,” to help each of you see your conflict cycle–and the roles each of you have in sustaining the cycle. After zooming out, we zoom in and slow down the process, so that each of you can better see the motivations for your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Finally, you get the opportunity to try out new ways of interacting with each other, which may be uncomfortable at first, but ultimately builds toward a sense of connection.
Rituals of connection help to build and strengthen your underlying friendship. Positive interactions matter. I encourage couples to have weekly fun time together, so that you are making regular deposits to your inner emotional bank accounts.
Ready to get started with couples therapy in Durham NC?
If you are ready to work on your relationship, then it’s time to schedule your FREE 20 minute consultation appointment. Let’s get started, so I can help you create a stronger, more connected relationship!
